The last 6 months

Has been a journey and a half with my mental health.

As you all know from reading my blogs I have been on a roller coaster of a ride with my mental health and I hit rock bottom which when I look back at my life from leaving school was gonna happen sooner or later in my life and in a way I am glad it happened when it did, why?

The reason for this is because, I have alays put other before myself, my kids, husband at the time, foster kids, other peoples kids and looking after them and doing everything around all that, and when I removed myself from all that and keeping myself busy to then moving away and starting a fresh everything started to creep in.

I let everything consume me and I let everything that had happened to me get the better of me and I was question everything including who I was.

I felt I had no purpose anymore and that I was just been a burden on everyone because of what was happening to me, I locked myself away, I stopped takling to those that matter to me the most, and most of all I pushed them away.

I have had to mend a lot of bridges and also plucked up the courage to talk to these people that matter the most about all these demons that were effecting my day to day life and why I was the way I was, which was a very hard and emtional roller coaster to do, some still do not understand and others are like so what I am still here regardless.

Every day I am thankful that I am alive and still able to now enjoy the little things and I do not plan and I do not make any committments if it is going to effect my mental state, the reason for this is I have a rountine and when I have tried to come away from that my mind starts to go into panic mode and I shut off.

At the end of everyday I think of all the positive things that have happened that day instead of all the things I have not done, and this has helped me alot.

I am taking everything one day at a time.

Walking in to a positive mindset.

I have been going out everyday almost for the last 6 weeks.

I get up and get dressed and go out for a 15 minute walk on a morning before I have breakfast or think about what I am going to do for that day, I will come back and then have breakfast and think about what I am going to do for that day while I am eating.

When it gets to about 4pm UK time I will go out for a longer walk and we have some woodlands near where i live and will go round there and find different rountes to take. My fur baby is loving it because he is getting walked twice a day and I am getting the excerise I need.

I have found that since I am doing this it has helped me look at things different and found myself taking pictures of what I see and then posting them on instagram.

The other morning when we was walking through the woodlands the sun was shining and you could see the beams of light coming through so I took my phone out to see if I could capture it and it sort of did but I was happy in that moment, I felt at peace and ease with myself.

I feel good when I am surrounded by nature, and this might sound weird to most but I feel like I should be in a forest living because I can think more clearly, feel everything around me like nothing can touch me in that moment.

Changing what I am eating.

This is just some of the food that I have been eating, and I already feeling more healthy, isn’t it weird on how much food has an impact on how you feel?

I havent gone vegan or anything at the minute but I am not dismissing the idea either, I am just going with the flow of what I eat but at the minute, I am enjoying the fruit and veg I am eating and willing to give alot of food that I have never tried like advocado, it has never been something I have ever tried because it has not appealed to me and now I can not get enough of it, it is so tasty with a salad, I feel like it is having a party in my mouth hahahahahaha.

I have also bought a squash to try but thinking of making into a spagetti as seen it been done on a YouTube video I have seen so going to be having that for tea tonight and I will add a picture in another blog and let you know my thoughts on that.

Anyway as I was saying, I am finding I am having more energy and feeling fresh on a morning, I am still taking my tablets to help me sleep though but hoping by changing how I am feeling and eating, I should be able to come off them by the end of the year that is my goal anyway.

I have not set myself many long term goals just 2-3 that are managable and that I know I will achieve, the rest of my goals are daily and I will write them down the day before, before I go to sleep so that way when I wake up I can look at them and see which ones I actually want to do that day and think about the others for another day but not dismiss them totally if I can do them all in that day I feel a sense of accomplishment, and pride for doing everything.

Feeling more positive.

In the above pictures is a before and after of me when I was at my worse and how I am now and OMG I did not think I would look different but the positive feelings I am having have so changed how I am looking at myself.

The last few weeks I have been focusing on my mental health and looking at what have been eating and my look on life and I was always the one that looked at the negative stuff instead of appreticating what I have actually got.

I would always focus on the negative stuff and always think the worse case of every situtation, and this would drag everyone around me down and eventually noone wanted to be round me or want to talk to me because I would be negative in my answers and then when I would look back and think I should of not said what I said or the actions I did.

I have slowly over the last few weeks, have turned that round and instead of focusing on the negative I have reflected more on the positive things I have. I am thankful I have a roof over my head and can put food on the table, which is a big step for me because I would always worry that I would lose my house and where would I get the money from to put the food on the table and since I have looked at what I have got, I have more time and I have more than most have and to me I appreticative of this.

I have started listening to music more and I am also listening to people on podcast (how have I not listened to podcasts before), I am currently listening to reroot by eamon and bec and they have been so helpful with some of things they talk about and how to reflect on the positive things in your life and to appreiate what you have in the here and now, and listening to the spiritual people on there has been a light blub moment for me and I would like to thank them for helping me through a bad time in my life by just been so positive and unlifting, and making me smile at the silly things again.

I am looking forward to been able to get out in the campervan again and travelling when we are able to and to appreicate my surrounds more and seeing the world through a fresh set of eyes and picking up my camera and capturing them moments again, and blogging about all the good times that are to come, and sharing that with you all.

Sorry not been Blogging

Have been focusing on myself and getting myself into a positive mindset.

The last few weeks have been and up and down, but I am having more good positive day than bad ones which is a plus side, but this week I have struggled to find any motivation, to actully do anything.

The last few weeks I have got up walked my furbaby morning and night, I have eaten healthly and had a few cheat days as they are called, but nothing to bad. I have been doing Yoga and meditiation everyday, I have even got a skin care routine, and my skin is looking fresh and amazing.

But this week I have taken the dog out and still eaten health but I have just not go any motivation to do anything else, I am finding myself bored and just walking round the house thinking I really need to get it all sorted and wanting to redecorate.

I have nearly paid off all my debts because any spare money I have had I have put into those, only got afew things left to pay and that will be everything paid off, which is a big relief.

I have also made time to facetime my friends and family, which has been great for me keeping intouch, wish I had done it sooner to be honest but wasnt in the right frame of mind. I have also started doing Body Shop which is helping me have something to focus on, and I am enjoying too.

I have also started college too, which was a bit mindblowning as it was online and not in a classroom and my head could not get round that, but it was fun and hoping to make some amazing friends in the profession I have chosen.

Hope everyone is doing well?? Will try and do a weekly blog just so I am not putting to much pressure on myself, but at the same time wanting to share the positive parts of me now that you have all read the worst, I want to start sharing the best of me too.

I would like to thank each and everyone of you thank you for joining me on this journey and continuing to do so, it makes this blog more enjoyable 🙂


I have been doing this since my counsellor has given me this to do as my homework every week.

I have been seeing my counsellor now for almost 2 months and have been doing 5 minutes of mindfulness everyday since but I will do 5 minutes everythime I feel like I am going on a downward spiral and it has helped me regain my thoughts and recenter myself.

I feel that 5 minutes is long enough for me at the minute, as I have found going any longer I start to let everything seep into my mindful time and the thought start taking over.

With doing the 5 minutes is just enough time for me to gather myself together to be able to get on with the task I have given myself to do, and would then do another 5 miuntes when I have completed the task just to help me get my focus back.

Final day of isolation.

Woke up to snow this morning and it just keeps coming.

Oh my god thankfully today is the last day, and woke to to about 2cm of snow and it still snowing and I can not take my furbaby out in the fresh snow to play.

Do not get me wrong it has done some good to ground myself but I am an outdoor person and love to explore and be out with nature.

I know my furbaby is going to be happy when we can finally go on adventures again. Hope to get a few miles walking done every day as well as the yoga and meditation, plus with doing the detox too I am hoping to lose these few extra lbs I have gained in no time.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who is following me and liking my posts, I know I should get round to read all of yours and will do this as my evening reading before doing my yoga and meditation.

This has got to of been the most challenging 2 weeks ever with suffering with depression and anxiety it has not been easy but I am proud of myself for not falling and keeping myself self busy.

Thank you again to everyone much love to you all.

Day 13 of isolation.

Was delicious 🤤

Cooked a sunday dinner today have not had one for a long time.

I decided this morning that I really faniced a Sunday dinner so I cooked one and ended up eating it alone because my daughter was at work and my son did not want any.

After I felt so ill because of doing the detox but it was delisious and thankfully I did not bring it back up.I did not do my yoga or meditation this morning but I did do it at bed time as find that it helps me sleep better.

Only one more day to go and then I can start going out again it has been a very long 2 weeks and it has been hard to find stuff to do around the house but I do not think I have done to bad though with my time.

I started my yoga and meditation back up and then I started the detox still have over a week to go on that but I know it will be worth it when I am done.

I think the hardest thing I had to give up was my morning coffee, as that set me up for the day but water with fresh lemon has helped with flushing my system out.

Day 12 of isolation.

feeling a little more energitic today.

With doing this detox I am now starting to feel the benefits even though I have felt a bit sluggish, I am finding my self with more energy to things and can focus a little better on tasks.

It has helped with the yoga and meditation as I am able to focus on these much better and have also notice some change in my body too, my bum does not look as big as it did.

I have took a photo of my before and will take one of my after when I have done with the detox and with doing the yoga and meditation and will post these when ready, I will wear the same clothes as I did in the before so that way you can see the progress as I am excited to see if there is any difference.

Not long to go and then I can start doing my walking again with my furbaby, bless him he is only getting taken for short walks at the minute by my son and he comes back looking at me as if to say is that it??

I have also started reading Frankstein by Mary Shelley, which has been waiting on the shelf for about a year for me to read along with afew other books that I purchase around the same time.

Day 10 of isolation

Feeling drained today.

I am on my second day of detox, and I am not gonna lie I feel so drained and low and having a major headache, but this is normal right?

I mean I have cut out all chocolate, coffee and anything else that I would snack on or any junk that i would eat, I am on fruit and vegetables and plenty of water.

My skin feels super oily and my body is protesting against me, but I am going to stick at it just like I have with the yoga and meditation, as I know this is good for me, and also my health.

Since starting yoga and meditation I have cut down on my smoking and finding breathing more easy to do now, I am finding that I am not struggling when I walk up the stairs or after a yoga session, so something must be helping and doing something to me?

I have also notice I am sweating a lot more too, hopefully this is a good sign too, I am hoping that it is the start of all the toxcins leaving my body, fingers crossed.