4th week of September

This week is my sons 18th birthday!!

I can not believe I now have a daughter who is nearly 22 and 18 year old son where has the time gone.

It does make me sad that me kids have grown up and seem to be doing their own thing and having families of their own but it does not stop me from missing, the need of them them needing me. Like when they have a fall and start crying or when they have achieved something and them running out of school to show me. Watching them grow and become independent and know there own minds is something of a proud factor for me because even though I think I have been a rubbish mum and have not done my best most of the time I most of done something right for them to be like they are.

I am not taking credit for everything they have done because they have learned to do a lot of it by themselves with me guiding or supporting them through when they have let me but it does not stop me from been proud of them. I am just glad that they know what they want in life.

Things are no better or any worse with my daughter but she knows where I am if she needs me. I am learning to let go of everything around me (slowly) because what I have come to learn is that I can control my actions and my behaviour and not anyone else’s. So by me just letting go I am able to not let things get to as much as it used to.

3rd week of September

Sorted my learner loan out this week.

Also handed in my Mental Health First Aid course in at college. Which I am thankful for as I have now started college doing my Level 3 counselling so did not want to be doing to much at once.

I also went on a walk with the locals in my town which i found as a group on facebook and that was good and nice to do just wished my back would not hurt as much.

Got my hospital appointment soon so hopefully get some answers to that and see what is going to happen.

Also this week was the Stratford show with lots of other self build campervans. Meeting up with friends old and new and finally getting to look at some possible new full time home vans that we have thought about for the future!!

2nd week of September

Feeling much better!!

It has been a long time since I have felt ill, and I do not like been ill.

Good thing that has happened this week is I am back at college doing my level 3 just need to sort out a student loan so that way I can do it and then I just have to find the money to pay for the exam.

Did a lot of cooking this week also and the weather has been boiling hot and I managed to cut the grass front and back of the house and tidy the flower pots up and make look reasonable.

Also got my Mental Health first Aid booklet to do, applied for it at the beginning of the summer holidays so that way I had something to do but it did not get to me till this week so now I have that and my course to do so I need to try and manage time so I can do both and hand the booklet in before the scheduled date.

Went through to Bridlington so that way I get to see my partners little one as feels like I have not seen him for ages. We stopped at a place called Carnaby Crawlers for the weekend and I got to try out my new crawler that I built even though it needed some tweaking here and there but had some help from others at the club.

Well this week I have been doing my blog a whole Year!! Can you believe that I know I can not. With this journey of blogging I have come to learn a lot about my self and that life is too short. and that there are adventures out there waiting to be explored and I am now at the stage where I am ready to take on them adventures and see what the world has to offer but wanting to start in my own country first and explore more of this little island before maybe going and exploring other place aboard. Wanting to also build my campervan so I can explore this little island freely and be able to see what spectacular places we have to offer.

1st week of September

Had to have a COVID test!!

With all the places we had been at the weekend, my partner was not feeling well and was coughing and had a bit of a temperature so we booked in to have our tests done.

That was the worse 24 hours as I was bored and was hoping that they would come back negative as I was seeing our granddaughter on the Wednesday.

Phew they came back negative and my partner was getting worse and ended up taking the week off work in the end because of how bad he was.

I went to see my granddaughter and daughter on the Wednesday and then as soon as I got back home I started to feel lousy and I started coughing even smoking was hurting my lungs and ended up spending the next 2 days in bed was not a happy bunny.

With how bad I was I stopped smoking because it was making me cough more and hurting my lungs.

4th week of August

this week was semi busy.

Was more busy towards the weekend than through the week.

I just cleaned and tidied my house from top to bottom the best I can without it hurting to much.

This week was National dog appreciation day.

Went to Manchester for a night out with some friends and then went to Leeds for a date night and then Scarborough to go watch Ann-Marie at the Open Air Theatre.

The whole weekend was just what we both needed, partying with friends as well as some quality time for us.

3rd week of August

I have started a diary again this year.

I have not done a diary for a few years now have bought them but I have not written in them but thinking that maybe I should start because I am forgetting what appointments I have and when and also when we have agreed to to do something with friends and then I am forgetting so I think that this will help. I have gone for a weekly one so that way there is enough space for me to write down what we are doing and when and then it will help with college stuff too.

Feeling ok this week just getting flustered with knowing we are doing something only to forget that we are doing it and it is making me feel jittery.

Also feeling a little weird that I am not at college and feel like my week is starting out of whack which is putting a ripple in the rest of the week.

The weekend we went to my partners cousins BBQ weekend which they do every year through the summer. It was a good laugh until my partner got glitter bombed and it stuck to him like glue so I know this is going to be about for weeks to come. My partner drank some and was slightly drunk.

Nothing really much to say this week.

2nd week of August

Was laid up the first half of the week.

Has been a bad start to this with my back playing and not been able to much. I woke up on Monday morning feeling ok, then I started to clean the house and then my back went on me so had a 10 minute sit down till I felt ok to move and then carried on to which my back ended up going again but this time it was more painful than the last. So decided to have a coffee and have longer time to rest and took some painkillers to help with the pain. Once the painkillers had kicked in a started tiding again but this time when me back went I nearly went on my bum and could not move and pain was intense to the point that I was in tears and knew that I would not be able to anymore. From that moment every time I moved I would get pains shooting through my back and down my legs, it would take me a while to get to and from the toilet and this would be painful again. So after that I was laid up for 2 days unable to do much apart from go to the toilet and make a drink anything more than that and I would end up in agony. Was taking painkillers for the 2 days but they did not seem to do really anything. By the Thursday I was able to move about a bit more but ended up ringing the doctors because I still have not heard anything from the rheumatologist and only to find out that they have not put a referral in for me to go see one. This is now starting to get beyond a joke with them because the pain is getting so bad that I can no longer enjoy the things I used to do. This then gets me down and end up been in a vicious cycle of pain and misery.

I do try to get about and moving as much as I can, but when the pain starts I then become restricted and can end up been laid up in bed or not been able to leave the house with fear of collapsing. I should not have to live like this I am not even 40 yet and already my life is restricting. I wanted to a sponsored walk for mind this year but have had to put that off till I know I am able to walk some without having too much pain. Life is starting to suck a little bit right now but at least I have other things to keep me occupied for now while I wait for my back to get sorted.

1st week of August

Have been off my medication now for 6 weeks and I can tell big time.

This week I have been doing my gardens. As my daughter had some paving slabs that they did not want but I was in need of some to finish the path way to the gate in the back garden. I also cut the grass both front and back as they were looking a bit long!! Gotta love a freshly cut lawn.

I also pressure washed the front and back as with the rain there was a thin layer of mud on the patio area of my garden, and with layering the other slabs that needed doing anyway, so did the whole lot front and back so everything now looks nice and clean and fresh. The only downside to doing the garden for the last 2 days is that my back is now in bits and even the pain killers are not touching it. So I am having to try and grin and bear it.

Also I started taking my furbaby out for a quick 10 minute walk on a morning to see if I can shift some of this weight I have gained. The good thing about the hot weather is you tend to drink more than eat so I think that is helping with the losing of weight. I have also looked at doing some Aqua Aerobics as I am not allowed to do any heavy lifting because of the mesh I have. Speaking of the mesh I am now going to see a specialist in September, was supposed to be November but they have moved it forward which I am thankful for. Hopefully I can have it removed and then hopefully this pain will somewhat go I know I will still be in pain because of my back but hopefully it wont be as bad as it is now because I am getting it from all areas.

It was also my Dads 60th this week and we went down all the way to Weston-Super-Mare to go see him and we also got to explore what is around there which is not much but it is and ok sea side town. Was good to see some of the family too as not seen them for a few years. The only down fall to it all was the traffic and it taking 7 and half hours to get there and 6 hours ish to get back.

The weather was ok to start with and then it absolutely chucked it down on the second day but lucky it had calmed down before the party.

Have not felt too bad this week. Wish there was more time to actually spend with my partner but it seem like I blink and the weekend is over. Which sucks.

3rd week of July

This week saw me going away for the weekend to a youtube meet up to help with our channel for van life.

Yeah it was a good weekend but not sure if I am enjoying been in a big crowd as I start panicking and I just shut off and wanted to hide away. Do not get me wrong I enjoy meeting up with people and meeting new friends and everything but I would rather it be just a few good friends round a fire and having a laugh, rather than a big group trying to sit round one fire and everyone trying to talk over everyone and if someone is trying to talk to me I can not hear them because of music been played and everyone trying to over talk everyone.

The weather has been amazing and have got a okish tan but I have done nothing but sweat and feel like I am swimming in it. Ended up jumping into the river for a small swim as can not swim very well and this cooled me down dramatically and was very much need with temperatures of 30 plus degrees.

The only thing I think that has got me this weekend is that I was expecting one thing and it ended up been just like any other meet up for van lifers. Yes we did not really mingle as we was not sure what we was supposed to be doing and how yes we did get some footage but not sure if it is going to be enough. My head has been in a spin but this could be down to the intense weather and not been able to keep cool and everytime I move I would literally be dripping with sweat.

When I got back home I had a lot of washing to do and sort some stuff out. The more I am out and about in the van the more I want to live that life. The more I want to live that life the more I am hating the one I am in. I know I can not do much at the minute about it but I know that one day I will be living the life on the open road and exploring what the world has to offer and for me to be able to offer that to others on the road with me becoming a counsellor. Knowing this does give me some peace for now but my feet are getting itchy and wanting to go.

I tidied through the house and made sure everything was how I wanted it to be but I look around the house think I have still got way too much stuff that I need to sort through and get rid of because I am not going to need it on the open road but some of it can go into storage and I can always go back and forth to change certain things when I am back here.

next week I am having a chilled and do nothing week but no doubt I will still end up doing something.

5th week of July

This week has been an extremely busy week.

The reason for this is because I have had my partners little one and we have done something every day this week. We have walked at least 2.5 miles a few times, gone swimming, gone crawling, made a stick of rock and went to a play area. We also went to the York Maze.

Everyday we have done something different and everyday I have gone to bed early and have not slept properly as I have seen every hour on the hour through the night because I just haven’t been able to settle or get comfortable.

The weather has been really good this week, not as hot as previous weeks but still pretty hot and as the end of the week draw closer the weather got cooler and cooler and now we have constant rain. Lets hope it improves for the weekend.

I managed to keep him off his phone for most of the week as he is only 7 and me personally he should not have a phone just yet but this seems to be the norm these days for children his age to have a phone, when did everything change and technology became the new outdoors? It is sad to see the world live through social media and make out that they have a perfect life when sometimes that is not the case or only show the good things that are happening in their life. What is wrong with sharing the bad stuff too?? Oh yeah people like to make them feel worse for it with slating and trolling them. Shouldn’t we be lifting them up when they are low and not making them feel lower?? I should know because I have have it when I have put something negative about my self on and I have had people say pick yourself up and give your head a shake, I know that there are worse off people out their than me but when I or someone else s putting that out their maybe they are looking for support to know that they are not alone and that they have people to have their back when they need it the most??

Anyway, it has been an awesome week and have loved having my partners little one for the week and we have done some amazing things together (I would put pictures in this blog put he is not my child to do so). So much so that he did not want to leave as such and wanted to spend more time with me and his dad. When we went to York Maze it was brilliant would highly recommend if you live int the UK as there is so much to for the kids and you can spend all day there. You can either take your own food and sit at the many picnic tables or buy food there (a little expensive). We did the Maze and that was epic to go round as this year it was based on Little Miss and Mr Men and when you see it from the sky they actually have a picture of the Maze. You go round it solving clues and when you are done you pop your sheet into the box and you are entered into their draw (can not remember what it was for now!!). We will definitely be going back again.