4th week of May

this week has been a rollercoaster!

I did my presentation was feeling sick and very nervous about it as the group that went before me but way more information and links and even added a youtube video to it which did not help with how I was feeling but was able to recite all of it without my notes as left them at home!! I did get some really good feedback from it and now I know what I would need to do for my next one when I process onto another level.

I also got my printer sorted but ended up putting a some money towards a new one because they did not have the same one in as it had been recalled (something to do with a faulty power connection which would explain why mine kept been funny and having to turn it on and off every time I wanted to print something, which did get frustrating but I just persevered with it as needed it for college stuff.

I cleaned my house from top to bottom and did all the washing that I had been putting off as I would only wash what I needed and leave the rest but everything is washed dried and put away so I now have clothes again and towels as would just use it and then put it in the wash basket and then when I needed another one I would just get another out and knew I needed to the washing as had no towels left!!

Also did something out of my comfort zone abit this week and did some tictoc videos but had so much fun doing them. I found that it helped when I was feeling a bit low and needed cheering up and I had to giggle at one of them way more than i should have but it helped with the happy chemicals and set my mood up again.

I also snapped at my partner this week for no reason but that was because I have not been sleeping very well and when I put the phone down I kicked myself for snapping and putting the phone down on him. I felt it for a bit as I needed to get myself together before speaking to him again. When I did he was offish with me but that is understandable.

I also redid my nails as they had grown so much that I hadn’t realised with been so busy doing college work and other stuff that I have sort of neglected my selfcare.

This weekend I have had some time to self reflect on a lot of what and who has shaped my life from been born to now. I have also done a lot of work of finding the root cause of a lot of who I am or was and have realised that I am not who they think I am or who I thought I was. I have listened to people a lot lately and actually listened to them and some of the things they have said to me and thought, “that is not me, that is not what I believe in, that is no longer the person I am/was”.

It has taken some time to realise that I do not believe every person is the same that every person is unique in their own way and that everyone even if they have had a similar experience does not feel or think the same way as I do or as the next person in the line. I have also learnt a lot about myself this weekend and that I can talk about my past and it does not affect me the way it used to, and this has brought some peace to a lot of my storm. My thought process has changed as well, I am no longer letting my past define who I am and I am giving myself a blank slate to work from and become the person I want to be and not how I think I should be or by what others think of me. I have my own beliefs and my own network of thoughts and feelings and I feel that someone is invading my space or not helping with myself I am going to speak up and say something instead of just keeping my mouth shut and letting people walk all over and take advantage of my kindness and caring nature.

Do not get me wrong I will still help as and were I can but if I feel that they are taking advantage of me then I will stop and will distance myself from that person to be able to re-centre myself as my own self worth and my own self care is more important than somebody else’s because if I do not look after myself and my own self worth then I am no good to no one and this would then just put them down with me.

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