3rd week of May

Still feeling at a loose end at the minute, and my head is still a bit battered from everything that has happened from last week.

Managed to finally get my presentation done for college, well for people to finally get back in touch with me anyways, still got to type it all up and then on top of that I now have an assignment to do and not long to do it, so now I am stressing slightly over that because that means I am going to have to do more than I can swallow. Have not been under pressure for a while so it is going to be a task in itself to see how far I have actually come or whether I have taken on more than I can chew?!?!?

things still have improved with my daughter but they haven’t got any worse either, but I know I have decided to leave it up to her to get in touch and if she does not well I am not wasting my energy on something that does not need it and if she does reach out then it will be a bonus, I suppose?

Have not slept properly this week either and I am still taking my meds and I am going to sleep but the problem is, if I wake up through the night I am lying there wide awake and tossing and turning and I can not switch off, I have tried to speak to the Doctor but they are still not doing face to face appointments, yet.

Also think I took my partner by surprise at the weekend, because he said that I could do the video for our camper-van channel, and I said no I do not want to, the reason being is when I asked to do it a few weeks ago he said no because youtube was his domain, and we do the social media and I do the blog for that and for this, so I was like oh ok, I will just video everything then, but when he said it at the weekend I was thinking why? But also, I am not doing something when he had already told me no I can not, yes I did want to learn but I will just stick to blogging, besides I enjoy it, yeah it might not mean a lot to someone else but to me it is a release, almost like having a diary.

I also wrote a song I think, it came to me when I was having trouble sleeping and wrote it down before it disappeared, but that will be a working progress as I can not sing for toffee, but at this precise moment I am just enjoying everything I am doing no matter how small or big it is, even the college stuff, because it is keeping me busy and keeping my mind from exploding some days, keeps all the chaos that is going on in there organised, for now anyway.

Everything is starting to feel normal again by the end of this week, as I have accept the fact that I am not going to be able to see my grandchild in the foreseeable future and that my Daughter is not replying to my messages, despite the excuses she has given to someone else but can not tell me, so I am not even going to try with her anymore, she knows where I am and she knows how to get hold of me so everything is left up to her to decide what happens next, and yes this could be a huge responsibility for her to have but at the end of the day I am a mum not someone who can be treated like a rag doll and be picked up and put down when it suits.

My presentation is going ok for college but have but more information then is necessary so having to go back over and downsize it and need to ring and get some more information from them so that I can just make some of it look more presentable. well speaking of my presentation I have done it now to present it on Monday!!

I also got an assignment to do which I have also done this weekend, which I still have to add more to, because it has to be 2000 words and have only done half of that and answered all the questions so need to go over it and add more to it which is going to hard to do but no doubt I will do it.

Also had a good talk about my college stuff with my mum and blagged both of our heads with some of the answers I have put on some of my work, so need to go back over them and reword them, but we had a good giggle about it which was good.

The weather has been rubbish all week and weekend but at least my garden wont need watering with the amount of rain we have had, but once the warmer comes I will need to get out and water it everyday to help the grass seed grow. Can not wait till it is grown as my front garden will look nice again.

Of all things to go wrong before college is not been able to print off my presentation as the printer has decided to stop working altogether and will not even turn on now hopefully I can just take it back and either exchange it or get a refund because it is a load of rubbish as I am constantly having to keep turning off and then turning it back on to be able to print what I need for college and it is getting beyond a joke now, to the point of now I am stressing out for no reason over it, so I am hoping I am going to be able to print it off from college and get everything I need ready.

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