Why?

Why I am feeling so low that I just can not get myself into the right gear?

For the last few weeks I have felt so low that I just do not want to do anything and forcing myself to so just makes me feel worse, I have o energy, no get up and go and all I want to do is sleep.

Everything feels like it is too much for me to do, even writing these blogs at the minute is getting to much but it is my way of writing how I am feeling and why, but I do not know why and that is the hard part of it all.

I have sent my form off to the company I have decided to go with for counselling and even that has not made me feel any better, I still feel like I am in a hole drowning, on all these feelings I have.

Where have I gone, why can I not be happy, or feel anything positive any more? I know I will never be the same but surely there has to be a piece of me somewhere in all this chaos I am in?

Every morning I try to do something different just to get myself in a different frame of mind but when I actually come to do it I just can not bring myself to do so. Like today I was planning on getting out with my furbaby but I just can not find the energy to do so.

Luckly my Son takes him for a good walk and comes back exhausted from it so I know he is getting the excerise he needs and I know I should be getting out into the fresh air and getting the excerise I need but I just can not bring myself to leave the house, and when I do I feel like I have this weight on my chest.

I start to feel like I am been watched, my every move been judged, and I start to panic and feel light headed for it all, when I get back home I can breathe again and feel the weight lift, and my breathing return back to normal as if I have been breathing to hard or have held my breathe.

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