Today has got to be one of the hardest days I have had to deal with today.
Today started off ok but you know when something does not feel right and you try and shrug it off, well that is what I did today, and ended up coming home after a very hard shift at work.
I did the silly thing of trying to push myself to get my jobs done in quick time so that way the pressure was on all of us and not just one, but my body protested and ended up hurting myself and having having a mental break down, but because we was so busy no one notice and I made out everything was ok.
Until I got home and just cried my eyes out and rang the one person who knows me at my worse, because he understands that side of me, and just cried down the phone at him and told him all my fustrations and what is going on in my head.
I can not psyhically or mentally want to do anything right now apart from lay in bed and not move. My head can not get to grips with all this COVID guidelines and the amount of people we have had coming in to work even though there is a lockdown, is just unreal, it is never ending.
I am at the point I was at a few months ago, and even though I have help in place I feel like I do not want it right now, more ther reason I just do not want to do anything, go anywhere, I just want to stay in my bubble.
I just do not know where I am with myself right now and how am I able to go to work and not snap at people because they are just rude, not following guidelines or just expect you to do everything for them. I can not deal with that right now.
I went back to work against my doctors advise and really wish I had stayed off because I was not ready mentally or psyhcially, and now I do not know what to do, I do know I am ringing my Doctor and talking to them about it and see what to do next.