When you battle mental health most of your life but not know it is that until later on in life, you look back and start putting pieces of a jigsaw together, and your like oh well that now makes sense and why didnt they find this out earlier would i have got this bad later on in my life, if i had the support i needed back then? The only thing with mental health I have found is that alot can be done and helped with but only if you are willing to look and let them help you, if you are not ready it doesnt sink in and you end up fobbing it all of and just carry on going about your day as if it was any other day.
But what happens when you hit a brick wall and want that help? you start to think well will I still get it because i have refused it so many times in the past? will they treat me differently because i never attended appointments in the past? will it all be recorded? will they judge you as soon as you walk through the door? the questions mount up and are over whelming that you think twice about any of it.
Once you have had your first step you then start to think what was all the fuss about and why did i let myself get wind up about it all, you can start to feel layers lifting after every time you talk and your thought process seems to shift slighty and you start to think maybe things arent so bad after all. Everyday is a battle that I have to fight with myself because to me no one knows what I have been through fully, the mental, emotional, phsyical, financial abuse I have had to endure and thinking that it was the norm.
But there are people out there that know exactly what you are going through, might not be the same circumstances but the feeling and thoughts are very simular, and that is how someone with same mental health understands because they have either been through it or are going through it, but have also recieved support and can help point you in the right direction and help support you on that road. I know there are many groups on facebook and in your local area that you can go to and the doctor can also help too.
I did not have someone there to say hey you need this please go, I have had to find that support myself and ask my doctor for help too, whether it is because I have pushed so many people out of my life that didn’t listen or wasn’t interested, or that pushing them out because I thought they were toxic.