I know this is not easy for me let alone my partner!! I know he has been through alot with me these last few years and I know I have pushed him, to his limits most of the time, but he is my rock, my saviour, my light when I am in the dark, and will tell you why.
When I had to go see a specialist before seeing a counsellor, he came with me and I asked if he could come into the room with me, because for me I wanted to show him how bad I was feeling and that I needed professional help and not just his help, and he heard some things that only a handful of people know about me, because to me if he couldn’t love me for who I truely was in that moment, then this would be the make or break of our relationship. To my surprise we walked out of there stronger than ever and hand in hand.
In this blog I am going to ask my partner some questions and I will be writing excatly what he says, but also what he can remember, as I think that he does need to have some input with this because to me he has helped more than he realises, he is my sound board and the one I go to, to voice ideas and get his input. So the next few paragraphs are his input.
How did you feel when you went to the first appointment?
I felt overwhelmed, hard finding stuff out that I had never heard before, I just sat there and listened to what Kellie had to say when talking to the professional, and taking everything in.
How do you manage to keep a level head?
I never keep a level head lol, but I listen and sometimes switch off, especially when the record is on repeat,
What support do you give, to support Kellie?
I sit and listen and talk when it is need and help find solutions, try to think of things in different points of view and angles, attend as many appointments when I can, be there when she needs me but also give her space when she need it.
What do you do to take time out from it all?
I switch off from the world, phone on silent, play on playstation, laptop, or watch youtube, I also listen to music, sometimes I listen to it and other times I have it on in the background depending on what is going on at the time.
What do you tend to find that works?
Been out in our campervan, in the woods or somewhere out of the way to think and talk without anyone been in either of our faces. Letting Kellie get what ever she has to say of her chest as she seems to calm down after that. Giving Kellie time to process what is happening, and not pushing matters, because if I do it tends to cause arguements.
How do you deal with Kellie when she is having an off day?
Sometimes I feel like I should leave her alone and other times it is like she needs that clinginess and the feeling of been loved, it just depends on the mood she is in.
How does it feel been with someone with depression?
Feels like you get pushed away all the time, can feel like I am not wanted alot of the time, can feel like you are with 10 different personalities, never know know which one I am going to wake up with, can sometimes feel like I can not do anything right, hate feeling useless and powerless been unable to help.
What advice would you give to others who are with a partner who suffers with depression and anxitey?
Buy a frying pan to hit them with lmao, but seriously dont take alot of serious things they say to heart. Research as much information as you can, even though there is alot out there it gives you a rough idea, as everyone is different. I would give them enough space for them to process whatever it is they need to process, but also letting them know that you are there when they are ready. Take one day at a time and don’t rush them, they tend to do things in there own time and will let you know when they are ready to let you into their world of thoughts.