Dealing with Depression and Anxiety

I have been dealing with this most of my adult life, but got diganosed nearly 2 years ago. When I was told by the doctor, my world fell apart, literally. I had been strong for so long with everything I had been through since leaving home and becoming a young mum. I had to attend counselling and was put on medication. I had to go through everything with the counsellor and felt very uncomfortable with some subjects we talked about.

To understand how I got to that stage I am going to have to rewind a few years. I wont bore you with too much detail. Will do a timeline as it will be easier.

!998 – Left School. Got a job. Moved into a shared house, meet my first serious partner.

!999 – Was with someone who would beat me, got pregnant, lost a baby (only to find out that I had lost one baby) Moved away, came back, had my daughter, got beat up some more.

2000 – Ended up in a court battle for custordy of my daughter, ended up on mediction because he played with my mind. Lost the battle, ended up with supervised visits because of been told I was mentally unstable by my daughters dad. Fell out with my family.

2001 – Still in battle at the courts, ended up turning to drink, ended up been put on medication again.

2002 – Don’t remember much, meet my sons dad.

2003 – Got pregnant, had my son, got held at knife point by my sons dad had to get the police in vovled, tried to find my daughter, started talking to family again, my son and daughter met for the first time.

2004 – Tried going back to court to get custordy of my Daughter, moved to Middlesbrough.

2005 – Got my own house, my son started school, went to see a solicitor, went back to court.

2006 – Got myself a job, my son started full time school.

2007 – Courts could not find my daughter or her dad, went back to the doctors got put on mediciation again.

2008 – Meet my (ex) Husband, still back and forth to the solicitors, got a court summons through from Wales, daughters dad in prison, step-mum trying to get custordy, started having visits, building a relationship with my daughter.

2009 – Got married, fostered our nephews, moved house, back and forth to Wales to see my daughter, had an eptopic pregnancy, had and op to remove left falopian tube out, back on medication and seeing a bereavement counsellor with losing my baby.

2010 – My daughter came to live with us, moved to my Husbands house, moved the kids to a new school, had another op for right ovary removed.

2011 – Got approached to foster our nephew, started doing my teaching assistant course, had another op to remove my womb as it turned inside out.

2012 – Started fostering our niece and nephew, got granted a SGO , ended up arguing with their parents on a daily basis, had another op to have my left ovary removed, got put on HRT.

2013 – My marriage starts to hit rock bottom, went to see a counsellor, got put on medication again, still arguing with parents.

2014 – My husband starts to take over the finances and controlling what is spent, arguing with nicece and nephews parents again.

2015 – Tried talking to my Husband about how I was feeling, he shut me out from his life, kids started playing up, niece got diagnosed with emotional detachment disorder, still arguing with parents.

2016 – Marriage break down, moved out, took my children with me and left Niece and Nephew with him, got with my current partner towards the end of this year, went to my partners christmas do, our first christmas.

2017 – Had an op for my prolaspe, Meet some new friends, Started working with my partner, went out on lots of family day trips, did some truck shows, Went to New York, got engage.

2018 – Went to france with work, got diagnosed with sevre depression, saw a counsellor, started a new job, bought and started converting a campervan, my brother moved in, went to see Evanesence/Britney Spears/Pitbull/ Lilly-Allen, went to silverstone for F1, went to lake district for family holiday, left my job with my partner, daughter went to uni, went to benidorm, re-did the back garden, lots of days out, son joined the RAF cadets.

2019 – My partner went to work with the F1, we broke up, went to work in home care, went back to my old job, Days out with family, went to Amsterdam.

2020 – Went on holiday and did North Coast 500, Covid-19 hit the world, was on sick for nearly 5 months, son got into trouble with the police, have had a few holidays at campsites and wild camping in cornwall as lockdown started to ease, went back to work.

This is just a brief out line of what I have had to deal with and to understand myself as well as you, what I have been through and how all these events (that I can remember), have built up for me to hit rock bottom and each year I have tried to keep a brave face and just get on with it, but my body and mentality just shut down and that was when I knew I needed help both professionally and personally.

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