Dealing with a overthinking Mind!! A brief insight to Me.

Everyday i wake up groggy from the tablets I had taken the night before, trying to remember what time it is, or even the day!! I slowly make my way downstairs to make myself a cup of coffee, as I am waiting I let the dog out and put his breakfast in to his bowl before letting him back in, I then walk back up the stairs with my coffee and roll myself the first of many cigs i have for the day. As I sit there drinking my coffee and smoking my brain slowly starting to kick in and a million questions start to cloud my brain.

What are people going to think of me when I am out and about walking? What shall I wear so I dont get noticed to much? How am I even going to make through day? I dont even like this brand of coffee, Why am I even Drinking it? I should really stop smoking because it is not helping. You really should do some exercises, as your belly and bum are getting bigger!! Wonder who my partner is talking to? Are they close? Does he like them more than me? Am I really good enough for him? I bet they are talking about me behind my back or when i am not there? I wonder if they really care or just wanting information?

It just goes on and on, some days i feel like I am drowning and others just about keeping my head above water. But I make it through the day, everyday and I have been like this for the last 18 months or so. I still take the tablets the Doctor has given me but now i am questioning on whether they are working or not anymore?

I am slowly getting better but the questions and judging are still there waiting to make an appearence when they can and I feel like I am back at square one again. Other days I can laugh and smile, and feel carefree almost and I hang onto them days because that is when I feel like I am been me the most. It is almost like having deja vu on the good days.

My partner helps the best he can, even though he doesnt fully understand what is going on in my head or how i am feeling and we end up arguing most days but yet he still stays by my side through it all, my rock, my saviour, my world, because even though we seem to have more bad days than good he believes we will be carefree and happy again soon, whether it be tomorrow, next week, next month or next year he believes and that is what gives me hope.

3 thoughts on “Dealing with a overthinking Mind!! A brief insight to Me.

  1. Natasha October 26, 2020 / 00:04

    I totally get where you are coming from with this. It’s draining constantly overthinking everything, questioning why. Why does that person talk to me? Do they really like me? Do they hate me? What do others think of me? What do they say about me? Why was I not invited? How come they don’t laugh and joke with me like that? They’re judging me. Because of how I look, I know it!

    Just a handful of the many, many thoughts that swill in our heads. I just love the raw honesty of this, it’s one thing to actually say these things out loud to yourself but another time do it publicly. Even then you see how that could help someone else and in trying to understand your own mind, you are actually helping someone else too.

    Also, for you and your partner, if you both work at it, it will get better. My partner came with me once to a counselling session and until that point, he said he didn’t quite understand what I was going through but that really helped him to begin to understand.

    Sorry for the long comment and possible over share but you are sharing some of your personal thoughts and that is a huge step so I feel it’s only fair to share some of mine too, let’s normalise being able to talk! Keep it up, I can’t wait to read more

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kellie Smith October 26, 2020 / 08:42

      Thank you, everyday I constantly question everyone’s motive and actions towards me and towards others, I also start question my actions too, I have taken my partner with me also, he is my rock, even if we don’t get on sometimes, thank you again for sharing x


    • Kellie Smith January 22, 2021 / 16:39

      Thank you, and sorry for the late reply I still trying to get my head round this site.
      It is good having someone with you, even if they do not understand most of it. Everything seems to be on a up and scale at the moment that I do not know if I am coming or going.
      I do not apologise for sharing it is great to see there is others out there wanting to, and makes me feel like I am not alone, like I feel I am most days.


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